…a.k.a. “upspeak“, “uptalk”, high rising terminal (HRT), high rising intonation (HRI) or Australian question intonation (AQI).

I don’t care what you call it, I just want it to stop!

Sure, gallons of ink have been spilled lamenting the audible plague descended upon lowly speakers of the Queen’s English over the past 25 years, but…

While the exact origins remain somewhat murky, and there’s some evidence of healthy debate surrounding a precise definition, it’s safe to say upspeak is now a world-wide epidemic, with no apparent cure in sight. In fact, the afflicted rationalize clinging to their irritating pattern of tonal inflection by claiming demands to stop will stunt their so-called “emotional range”.

Are you kidding me? Am I to believe precious “snowflakes” [sorry, I couldn’t resist] are that desperate about being perceived as “authentic” [sorry, I couldn’t resist] they’ll mindlessly – and I do mean mindlessly – adopt an absurd style of speaking without so much as a second thought?

So, if you stumble upon someone prattling on in full-tilt upspeak/uptalk/HRT/HRI/AQI mode, politely get the speaker’s attention, wait for them to pause, then gently encourage them to STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! DO YOU HEAR ME? STOP!